Am I Good Enough? Who and How We Allow to Decide
Keeping it Real
True story: A week ago I walked outside to realize my boyfriend’s car was not in the driveway, however he was in the house. Of course, I panicked; looking everywhere thinking for some reason it was “misplaced”. Sadly, it was gone.
- First thought: “Oh my goodness, we’ve been totally violated and he has no car!”
- Second thought: (try not to judge to harshly…I am only human), “My car is new, cute and I thought pretty awesome. Why didn’t they steal my car?”
Whoa, what’s underneath a thought like that? What lies below is “am I good enough?” Ok, totally normal to want a little validation, as we are relational creatures who are a reflection of our interactions, however the issue comes in when we stop caring where and who this validation comes from. I apparently wanted mine from a guy who steals cares….yikes.
Setting the Bar
So you’ve either been in a relationship, that you know is not fulfilling, but you’re timid about imagining what the world is without it, or you’ve moved past this point and are in the midst of the dating scene, feeling like this will be a never ending string of “possibles” that don’t seem to quite add up to your hopes. I know, after a while scenarios like these start to wear on you and then the bar gets a little lower. Whereas you used to have a list of must have’s (a job, a car, your own place, sense of humor, a love for animals), your list gets flipped to “well at least please don’t have…a record, a spouse, etc. ”. Translation: Please just tell me I’m wanted.
Short lived Satisfaction
We need love and belonging, just a scientific fact, according to a lot of really smart people! If not careful, we will look to fill that need in all the not so right places. This could look like:
- Getting that random text from your ex, who you know is no good for you, however the rush of being wanted returns, likely followed by distinct feelings of disappointment and anxiety
- Accepting date offers from and spending time with people who you swore not too long ago you wouldn’t give the time of day, resulting in confusion about who you are and where you stand as far as your values are concerned
- Most disruptive to your core: Comparing yourself to others who appear to be loved and be showered with attention, while trying to emulate them, not only resulting in setting aside your beautiful and unique genuiness, but beginning to be frustrated with your inability to live up to someone else’s way of being and sadly, disliking yourself
Back to the Basics
You are completely empowered to decide who is and is not allowed in your circle of love, joy and hope. Who on your team might you need to get off the bench and get in there for you:
- Maybe I’m inspired by Mother’s Day Weekend, but I say, call your mom! Yes, moms may be a source of “crazy making” at times, but more often than not, she’s the epitome of unconditional love. She’s an awesome example of someone being keenly aware of your flaws, even pointing them out at times (sigh), but still making it known you are wanted and oh so special
- Skip ringing up that ex for some fleeting validation, but instead call up your bestie, who holds lots of your secrets, knows how to keep it real with you, “Really dude?”, but still show you what it is to be cared for and accepted
- Put yourself in places (i.e. social clubs, yoga, cooking class, etc) that promote acceptance of individual strength, allows you to utilize your passion and where their interest align with your values
- A little bit of a cheat: Your pet will ALWAYS love you and show it with little to no effort. In their defense, eating your shoes is totally a form of your dog showing how much they can’t live without you
The Choice is Yours
Carefully choosing who you surround yourself with will aid in moving from self-comparison to acceptance of your own uniqueness and value that you add to the world. You’ve been in that rat race towards momentary bliss for long enough. Now is the time to slow down, take stock of the core people in your life and allow them to highlight all those things you’ve forgotten make you good enough, smart enough, awesome enough for anyone wise enough to recognize it.