The topic of whether or not to stay connected to your ex or kick them to the curb three cities over has been a debate since the beginning of time, and I doubt this will change anytime soon. Researching differing perspectives supporting decisions to stay or go was an interesting task and I’d like to share what I picked up along the way with you now.
“Yes its possible. The key word is “possible.” Once both parties know that the ship for them has sailed and is respectful towards the new partners in their ex’s lives, then its all good.”
This sounds to me like a “Yes, but…” What I gather from this feedback is there is an opportunity for friendship to grow, if both parties have mutual expectations from the friendship and a clear understanding and respect for new partners. Why would one even want to maintain a relationship with their ex. The fact of the matter is, the person you fell in love with may continue to have the cool characteristics that drew you to them in the first place, like an amazing sense of humor. This clearly was not enough to overcome your likely romantic incomparability, however at a minimum a friendship could remain entertaining.
There’s Still Value
“Yes, if you just fall out of love with that person but share respect and friendship. I am lucky to have that with my Ex and not to mention he is the father of my child and has done right by her.”
In this instance, there’s more to consider than just your own space. Maybe your ex partner could not get their boo game together, but an involved parent no matter the distance from their ex is priceless. Not only should we want the best for children who have experienced a transition in their own lives, but we should be able to act as models of accepting healthy change and growth through hardship.
So what you’re saying is…”tell ’em boy bye”
“Let me answer this question by saying Yes and No. It depends on how the break-up happens. Now if you had a clean break up where you both fell out of love but love one another with CLEAR RESPECT then yes. But come on how often does that happen?? I don’t mean yes in where you are visiting them, calling and hanging out with them. It should be CLEAR BOUNDARIES. When I say no Its because maybe it’s not healthy for you. If this is TRULY your EX then act like it. EX means EX. You don’t have to be rude, mean or anything less of being a woman. If you happen to see them out and feel like speaking then speak but keep it moving. Also you must take in consideration if your current husband or your significant other would think and please do not come up with oh they are just jealous. NO… They are now with you and they want to know he or she is your PAST. Think back it’s a REASON why they are your EX.”
Hmmmm. What I gather here is not really a “yes and no”, but an argument for a clear NO. This person may have experienced being on both sides of the fence and learned it doesn’t ever seem to work out the way friends, soon to be ex friends, had hoped when moving forward with new relationships takes precedence.
What Does This All Mean
What’s the “right” answer? Let’s be real. In most cases, there isn’t a right or wrong answer. Everything is 1. Relative to your current place in life, your head space and relationships and 2. What your brand of joy looks like, which will never look like someone else’s. When making any personal decision, stay ready to change your mind at will as people change, you change and growth is just like that. Stay informed and considerate about everything going on around you and then lastly, own it. Whatever your choices are should be motivated by your own values, your own needs and your picture the life you want to have. You do not have to apologize for what you want.
You write your own story.
Be sure to, in the midst of
making all your choices,
remember to always CHOOSE JOY.