You Might have been with a Love Addict

 

Momma said…..

Yes, your mom always told you that you were a great catch and any girl would be lucky to have you. You know you’re pretty special, so when this amazing girl enters the picture, adores you, is as intense as a stallion in heat, professes her undying love, you feel like you’ve found your perfect match, who gets you and connects the way you hoped the “one” would. So what happened after you’ve had a few months of undeniable passion and all of the sudden she’s withdrawn, seems like a stranger and ends things abruptly?? You ask “what did I do?” Well fella, maybe you did nothing wrong and there was nothing you could do right to keep this unicorn of a woman with you.

Picture This

Your relationship hasn’t even had a chance to get cold, yet you see her out with the “new guy”   and she’s giving him those eyes and leaning in close, the way she was not too long ago with you. What’s that you hear? Oh man, that’s her “I’m so in love giggle” she’s performing right now. You feel confused, angry, sad….sucker punched.

Hurricane Jane

Turns out in a month or so, that guy who looked like “the guy” she would stick with has been replaced, just like you were not too long ago. Well my friend, hurricane Jane just may be that category 5 storm that passes through in a flash, leaving a trail of disorientation and broken hearts, or we could simply refer to her as a love addict.

Have you fallen victim??

Probably didn’t even cross your mind given love addiction is often disguised as extraordinary connection with a new lover. So how can you decipher if you might be or have been with someone with a love addiction? Here’s what you may have experienced if your partner was a love addict:

• Your partner wanted a lot of your time and maybe admitted they felt lonely when without you
• They don’t seem to have a strong sense of self and in hindsight your realized they took on a lot of YOUR likes and dislikes instead of forming their own opinion
• They become overly emotional when sexually intimate as love addicts tend to confuse sex with love
• Your partner seemed overly concerned with being accepted and rejected by you
• You find out they have a history of several short term relationships before yours
• Your partner has periods of insecurity where they find it difficult to trust you or has spoken about not trusting ex-lovers
• They become suddenly depressed when perceiving you have “rejected” them, i.e. You didn’t do all the things you did the first night you were together
• They generally expect the same amount of passion and intensity as the beginning of dating to remain throughout and can’t deal with the natural shift into a comfortable place in your relationship

Hindsight is 20-20

So maybe this sounds familiar to you and you’re able to re-think this whirlwind of a relationship that ended too soon and left you dazed and confused. Maybe you can finally let a little of that feeling of “what did I do wrong” go.

Love addicts come in all shapes and sizes, so can you spot one outright? Probably not. Should you avoid loving and being loved freely? Of course not! That burst of euphoria and contentment is one of the best parts of human connection. What’s also part of our journey is living, learning and then moving on untethered to past relationship wounds.

So your mother was likely right about you and you’re still a great catch. Just know that if you ever find yourself caught and released quicker than you can blink, you might as well face it, she’s probably addicted to love.